


Strawberries and Ciggarettes

by one_player_game, ToTiredForThis



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 11:43:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17786720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/one_player_game/pseuds/one_player_game, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToTiredForThis/pseuds/ToTiredForThis
Summary: just a normal day in west middle borough high school, Jeremy and Michael just living the low life after what had all gone down Jeremy was still on edge and so was Michael, will their friendship last.





	1. out of the hospital

Jeremy and Michael, Michael and Jeremy.

 

Friends forever even after I tried to take over the entire high school with a walking, talking, tic tac-floppy disc. After getting out of the hospital, Michael had been the one to drive me home with a heavy silence. The only thing playing was the radio. The ride was awkward and I stared at my feet the whole time, it was dark and every once in a while another car would pass us by. Michael gripped the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white.

“Thanks for driving me home,” I mumbled, my hands fiddled with the bottom of my shirt. When he didn't reply my stomach twisted into knots.

“No problem.” he finally replied and I glanced at his face for any sign of kindness but to no avail. He looked stressed as his jaw was clenched tight and his eyes were glued to the road with no presence of any emotion on his face. 

 

‘It’s too early to apologize’ I thought to myself biting on my tongue. Michael parked in my driveway and I got out saying nothing, only waving bye when I got to my porch. My dad opened the door when i knocked, having forgotten my keys the night of the play.

 

“Glad to have you back son,” he said to me cheerfully but I just pushed past, trudging upstairs to my room.

 

The moment I walk in, I’m assaulted by the mess I left it in, an array of smells and- god I’m such a slob! I started to pick up the pieces of trash around my room along with the dirty laundry, stained bed sheets, and crusty, old clothes. I gagged when I uncovered a moldy spoon. I picked up the Eminem shirt I had bought, seemingly ages ago, and it still reeked of sweat with a pink stain on the back. After my impromptu cleaning spree, I flopped back on my bed groaning at the sharp pain (not a smart idea), but after a few minutes of getting comfortable, I finally passed out of exhaustion.

 

‘Hey I can’t pick you up today.’  I woke up to Michael’s text, turning on my phone and glaring at the bright screen. Even after all that went down, he still texts me in the morning, he’s a good guy. I got up after a few minutes, putting on a nice outfit for once in my life which was just a blue and black flannel, some jeans and vans that had the rainbow painted on the bottoms of the shoes. I pick up my phone and bit my lip texting out the words carefully.

 

‘Alright, I’ll see you at school then.’  I must have read it over about 20 times before sending it. I shoved my phone in my back pocket, slung my backpack over my shoulder, tramped downstairs to greet my dad, and headed out the door for class like everything was normal. I started to hum softly as I passed through the huge field leading me to the high school hell. 

 

When I got there I felt the eyes stare through me as I went around of the back to where there others like me, the losers, outcasts, and punks hung out. Even they glared at me but I tried to brush it off as I searching my backpack. Michael wasn’t here which worried me slightly but I still couldn’t find them until-

 

Bingo.

 

Out of my bag came a lighter and a pack of cigs. These were the only relief I had for now. Michael wasn’t here to nag on me about it, I took a quick glance at my surroundings and lit up. Inhaling the smoke gave me an iffy satisfaction but also bathed me in guilt remembering Michael’s sweet face morphing into one of disappointment. I forced my eyes to stay dry as I sat next to my backpack, pulling my knees to my chest and exhaling.

 

“Back to usual, I see.” I looked up seeing Michael, disappointment clouded his eyes and out of instinct, I rubbed my own to make sure the tears were gone. Michael sighed and sat next to me his eyes looked red and puffy either from weed or from crying “Nice to see you’re still destroying your lungs.” his head rested on my shoulder and I tensed.

 

“Don’t worry, this is just my first one. If I’m gonna die it’s by my own hand.” I joked pathetically and he sighed

 

“It’s still bad.” he replied

 

“Well, I’m sorry…” Michael went quiet about 10 minutes later he replied

 

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it - not for smoking nor for the whole squip thing.” He got up and walked away and I groaned loudly.


	2. Highschool hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> crappy days with best-friend drama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imma start trying to make the chapters at least 1,000 words AND updating every Thursday!!!! (also maybe weekends!!)

Class droned on and I hadn’t seen Michael since this morning. Rich sat next to me in chemistry class and a thought passed through my head. ‘I might as well try to make some actual friends since Michaels still pissed at me’.

“Hey.” I mumbled, trying to look bored, not wanting to look like I was eager to make a friend.

“Sup, string bean,” Rich glanced at him and was actually being civil for once his life and not even using his iconic name for me. I gave him a weird look.

“Wait, so you’re not mad at me?” I tilted my head to the side as I looked at the short teen with a streak of red in his hair.

“Why would I be? It was the computer in your brain that did that. You didn’t do that, I’ve been through the entire process to, remember?” he gave me a ‘duh’ face and a flush brushed my cheeks.

“Oh right... I-I forgot about that.” I laughed awkwardly and Rich rolled his eyes smiling slightly raising his hand, I flinched from instinct letting my shoulders raise and hover below my ears, a few seconds of silence and then Rich spoke up.

“I’m not gonna hit you, do you really think I would hurt you?...” I opened my eyes to come face to face with Rich’s hurt look I instantly started to apologize

“NO NO NO NO! Itwastotallyoutofinstinctsbecauseyouusedtoallthetime s-so it’s just habit!” I waved my hands frantically, he sighed and pulled his hand back.

“Whatever man it’s cool.” he ran a hand through his hair taking a deep breath “So how’re you and your boyfriend doing?” he had a small grin as a blush crept back up on my face but I frowned and groaned folding my arms onto the lab table, resting my head on the table.

“We are not dating!” I denied and then paused. “But I don’t think he’s forgiven me for the play stuff.” I pulled my staring at the board ignoring the blush “He’s still mad at me for everything, I just want it to go back to the way it was. When we would spend weekends hanging out, watching movies together in Michael's basement- god I miss him.” I recalled back to the time when Michael and I watched Saw together.

\---

“M-Michael are you sure your moms would let us w-watch this?” I asked nervously as Michael put the DVD in and sat next to me

“Chill out Jer-bear it’s gonna be fine, my mama said we could watch it.” he grinned and sprawled out, I took a deep breath, calming down a bit then finally relaxing, the more the movie progressed my anxiety started acting up but I didn’t want to bother Mikey. I just kept quiet watching the horror movie, shaking in my boots. 

I felt an arm wrap around my waist pulling me closer, Michael had pulled me right next to him. My face felt burning (as if it could fry an egg) he just looked at me and gave me his award-winning smile.

“Don’t worry Jer-bear, I’ll protect you,” he whispered as both of his moms were asleep I looked at him biting my bottom lip as he smiled at me

“M-Michael I’m gonna do something… p-punch me if you want me to stop..” I took a deep breath as Michael gave me a playful smile.

My face inched closer to his as my heart was thumping out of my chest and pounding in my ears, I said a silent prayer to myself as-  
\---

“Jeremy? I asked you a question. What do you get when you mix nitrogen and oxygen together?” My chemistry teacher questioned me and I was sucked out of my dream-like memory and I sat up straight.

I racked my brain for an answer already wanting to sink into a hole in the ground and die. “U-um isn’t it Nitrogen dioxide?”

“You are correct but pay more attention next time, are you listening?” The teacher continued to drone on and I spaced out again Rich glanced over at me holding in a laugh. I glared at him without any heat and he went back to work.

Two classes later the bell rang for lunch, every rushed out yelling, running full speed, and obviously lacking deodorant. I stayed behind to take some time to myself but the teacher just glared at me. I sighed and stepped out of my class with my head hanging low, people glared and whispered. Maybe I should start using the bullying chart again (happened in the book)? It’d be like panhandling for some friends. From across the hall, I spotted a bright red hoodie covered in patches, I walked over to him.

“Hey Mikey, how’s class going?” I asked following him. He looked up at me still mad but I didn’t push.

“I gotta make a drawing of someone important,” he said bitterly and I shut up. A few moments later we were walking to the lunch room in silence - I had to say something.

“Michael if you don’t want me around anymore just tell me. You know I’m bad at taking hints.” I spoke softly and he stop abruptly turning around to look at me, glaring.

“You abandoned me, Jeremy! Don’t you get it?! I don’t want to see your stupid face I just want it all to go away!” I was taken aback by Michael’s level of volume and the way his voice cracked seven times over, he usually never yells at me. I backed away slowly tears threatened to spill.

“O-okay. That’s fine Mikey. I-I’ll just go then…” I turned around and ran off rubbing my eyes harshly trying to get the tears to go away but I just made it to the back of the building, pulling out my lighter and smoke I tried to get some relief as I let the tears and smoked my pain away shaking almost violently, my heart had been ripped out, crushed, and burned to crisp all at once.

“Oh my gosh Jerry?! Are you okay?!” out came the voice of a preppy female, I looked up only to meet eyes with the one and only Chloe Valentine. I rubbed my eyes wishing I could stop crying.

“It’s Jeremy…” I mumbled and put out my cigarette on the wall behind me, she looked at me weirdly tilting her head to the side like a confused puppy.

“Why are you crying?” she asked and I groaned feeling like this had happened before

“Because Michael hates me and I want to make up with him but I don’t know how.” she ruffled my hair laughing a little 

“Oh wow, I thought Rich was joking. You seriously have it bad on, don’t you?” she asked and my face flushed red

“What?! No!” I glared daggers at her as she laughed again

“Oh you so do!! It’s so cute!!” she smiled at me

“I do not have a crush on Michael okay?! Me and him aren’t even friends anymore so would you lay off!!” I yelled at her angrily getting up she backed away with a surprised look hands raised in a peaceful gesture.

“Alright. Fine, you don’t have crush on him. Jeez.” she lowered her hands “You gotta chill and figure out some way to apologize to get back on his good side.” She was right, but I didn’t know how, so what’s the point of trying now? I got up with my backpack hanging off one shoulder.

“So what do you suggest I do? To apologize I mean.”

“Do something special that only means something to you and him. Simple as that.” She said admiring her nails in the sun.

“Thanks for the advice.” I sighed, maybe I should go home and just live my days out as a hermit, probably wouldn’t look good on a job application, but saying home for one day wouldn’t hurt. So saying my goodbyes to Chloe I made my trek home. My dad was probably still there or maybe he finally got an interview for a new job. Either way I’m gonna have to make up an excuse for why I came home early. My dad being his gullible self he’d believe it with ease if I made it believable enough.

It was quieter on the walk home, the only sound that was heard was the great sound of birds, high-schoolers running out of class and yelling, and the voices in my head cursing me out. 

When I got home it was still bright outside, but I did what my dad always does and stripped to my boxers, grabbed a pack of Oreos and ate until you felt like throwing up. As I flipped through the channels in my boxers, my phone started to buzz. I reached over looking at the unknown number and answered.

“Hello?” I spoke around a mouthful of cookie and shoving another in my mouth

“Yo Jeremy!!” someone screamed from the other side of the phone I had to hold the phone away from my ear to still understand them.


	3. the party

“Who is this?” 

“It’s me Jake!!” Jake yelled and other people cheered in the background. Obviously he was at a party.

“How did you get my number?” I asked.

“Chloe had it and wanted me to tell you Michael is here!!” Jake shouted a hair louder, over the booming speakers, I groaned loudly.

“Alright, I’ll be over in a sec.” I hung up and stood up getting dressed in some sweat pants and a T-shirt that Michael gave me for my birthday a few years back. It was two sizes to big then, but now it fit perfectly. I stopped as I was just about to leave thinking back to what Michael said before, he wouldn’t want to see me. On the other hand he probably high or drunk out of his mind and needs someone to make sure he doesn’t do something stupid.

I sighed to myself “This is what I get. Karma sucks.” 

Opening the door, my mom’s car was still in the driveway. I turned around grabbing her keys from off the wall and headed to the car. My mom died when I was very little but my dad still wanted to keep the car because he thought I could use it when I got my license.

Remembering back to what the squip taught me on driving I should be able to get there pretty quickly, even if it was dark outside. I got in the car, still smelling her perfume. I took a deep breath and started the car, lets hope I don’t get caught by a police officer. It took me a few minutes of remembering signs, shifting gears, and finding an acceptable parking spot before I had gotten to Madeline's house where the party was being held.

The house boomed with music and purple light shone through the windows, I took a deep breath and texted Jake

‘I’m here, where is Michael?’

‘Bruh he’s in the basement I think.’ Alright, in the basement, great I think. I opened the front door and looked around for Michael. My mission is to get him back home safely without him getting hurt. Which was problem. I shuffled through the crowd trying to find my way to the basement. People were making out, dancing, or as far as I could tell from the noises upstairs, something else.

I reached the basement door, only getting shoved or pushed twice. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea? He did say he didn’t want to see me again but I don’t want him to get hurt and it wouldn’t matter if I just checked up on without him noticing right? I took a deep breath and opened the door, getting hit with the scents of weed, musk, and guys cologne as I trudge down the stairs I could hear people laughing and playing pool. MIchael was there, he seemed happy laughing about some joke Dustin had told him,

Wait-

DUSTIN?! 

What the hell is he doing here? With Michael? I need to get him home before his moms notice he left. I walk over to him but freeze up seeing him and Dustin kiss. It hurts, it all hurts and I just stand there watching it go down. I shouldn’t be here, we’re not friends anymore. I turned around quickly, heading back up the stairs as I tried to push down the lump in my throat that was building itself up.

I wasn’t looking where I was going and bumped into someone.

“Hey, Jeremy! What’s up?” I looked at the voice seeing Christine, her smile faltered a bit seeing my face “Or what’s wrong?...”

“Nothing- it’s just my stupid feelings,” I said sighing and wiping my eyes to make sure I wasn’t already crying.

“I heard about what happened between you and Michael.” Christine tilted her head up to look up at me and stared me down, as if to examine my current mental state. New flash - not fucking great man. “I’m really sorry that happened. So why are you here?” she asked tilting her head some.

“Jake called me and told me he was here, so I was gonna take him home before his moms noticed but I saw him make out with someone so it’s probably not gonna happen.” I ran a hand through my greasy hair letting out a sigh but she slipped her arms around me into a hug.

“It’ll be alright Jer. Don’t worry… you two will be friends again.”

“But I don’t want to be friends, I want more than just to be friends…” I growled getting more and more aggravated. I didn’t whether to be pissed or just break down crying. I chose the former and pushed her away, gritting my teeth.

“Just- leave me alone.” I nearly whispered, so quiet that she probably had a hard time hearing, and stormed off towards the stairs and picked an empty room, locking it shut then sliding down to the ground. Tears escaped from my eyes and sobs tore from my throat. The delusion that I was alone made my eyes blur and my sobs grow louder.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” A voice groaned and I soon recognized it to be Rich.

“I-I’m sorry, I thought this room was empty.” I murmured and wiped my face, getting ready to stand but then there was a hand around my wrist.

“Hey, where ya going?” he asked softly- oh so softly. 

“Out of this room to let you sleep?” I furrowed my eyebrows as it came out more like a question. He smiled a little and pulled me closer to him.

“You should stay.” he suggested, my cheeks and ears started to heat up while my voice retreated and all I could do was nod. He must have took it as a yes because he lead me to the bed and I laid there not saying a thing.

I couldn’t move. My entire body felt felt cemented to the bed and I didn’t want to be here I wanted to be home in front of my TV. Instead I was under Rich, with his lips pressed against mine in a forceful imitation of the thing I had so craved.

I broke myself out of the frozen state, putting my hand on Rich’s shoulder. I pushed him away. He broke away and I ducked under his arm getting up, rushing to the door.

“I-I can’t do this- I’m sorry, I just don’t feel the same way Rich.” I said quickly unlocking the door and rushing out. I needed to get Michael, brokenhearted or not.


	4. Day Off and Dad Talk

I noticed Michael sitting on the couch alone with Dustin, I grit my teeth hard and grabbed his sleeve if I was going to let him do this, I wasn’t going down without a fight. I grabbed his sleeve pulling him off of Dustin.

“Michael, let’s go.” he looked at me his cheeks tinted pink with what must have been from drinking too much.

“What the hell are you doing here? I thought I told you to piss off!!” he yelled at me trying to push me off, clumsily flailing around.

“I’m taking you home before your moms' notice and you get in trouble.” He glared at me and I looked over at Dustin with a sneer “Go sell some drugs or something.” I gripped Michael’s wrist as hard as I could without hurting him then dragged him outside to my mom’s car.

“Jesus Jeremy. Chill out. I’m not going to get in trouble!” He yanked his wrist away from me.

“You’re drunk and I don’t want you to get yourself hurt or killed!” I shouted back with my temper rising with my flush.

“I don’t need you to babysit me! Stay out of my life! It’s not like you would actually care anyway! Why don’t you go ahead and just abandon me again?! Dustin has been there for me more than you ever had!! You’re just a loser, so piss off and let me enjoy this party!!” 

I fell silent at his words before taking a step back, he was fuming with anger. People had gathered around to see our ‘fight’, my eyes burned with salty tears. I pushed my way through and sat out on the curb.

I was pissed, but soon the rage that simmered inside of me cooled into sorrow. I got up and got in my mom's car turning it on and driving home. My chest cracked as I play back the word in my head. I was driving down the empty street near a park. I played the scenario in my head.

The news would play some type of memorial and say his name in the obituaries, there would be some suicide awareness rally at the high school, Dad would mourn over his death for a couple of months before going back to his routine. Michael would be happy. I take a deep breath gripping the wheel twitching to make the turn but it never happens.

I pass the park staying as quiet as all the times I ever drove. When I had gotten home I just put the keys back where I found them and let myself sink into my bed. Hoping- no praying for the sweet relief of death. My blankets were warm and I thought back to all the times Michael would sneak over.

“Jer? It is okay if I stay here for the night?” Mikey asked me one night as he climbed through my bedroom window.,

“Yeah. What happened?” I asked noticing his red puffy eyes

“Fight with moms, it’s nothing,” he said wiping his nose with his sleeve, I squinted my eyes but just ignored it. Instead of getting up, going to the closet, and pulling out a yellow sleeping bag. I unrolled it and laid it out on the floor. Michael ignored it completely and climbed into my bed. With a sigh I crawled in as well, hugging him and pulling him closer.

“It’s okay Micha.” I comforted him the best I could close my eyes, feeling his soft curly hair under my chin.

I shot my eyes open and looked at the alarm clock.

It was 6:15.

On a Tuesday.

I didn’t die in my sleep like I wanted.

Maybe I could stay in for a while? Just until I feel ready enough to go out. I rolled over pulling the blanket over my head, for what seemed like an hour of trying to go back to sleep I got up and grabbed my lighter and cigarettes. My dad would kill me if he found out I smoke so I opened my window and sat on the ledge.

The wind was warm and brought the smell of trees, bread, and cars. I inhaled the smoke trying to make the tension and adrenaline go away, then blew it out of my nose like a fiery dragon, relishing the burn. I felt weak, broken on the inside from the person whom I proudly call a friend because I messed up big time. I would cry but my eyes were dried up from the emotional rollercoaster of the past days.

The breeze felt nice against my skin, pulling the smell of smoke away and sending shivers down my arms. I sighed and rubbed the stub of the cigarette on the side of the house to put it out and then crawled back into bed. I curled up with my knees tucked close to my chest and pressed my head against them. I shut my eyes as my phone vibrated.

Once.

Twice.

Three times. I picked it up on the third buzz knowing I wouldn’t be able to ignore it for much longer without chucking it out my window along with the rest of my sanity. To my surprise it was an unknown number, they had texted me a couple of times, I opened it up as curiosity poked its head up from my brain. 

‘Hey, it’s Rich btw’

‘Wanted to know if you wanna hang this Wednesday night’

‘It’ll be fuuuunnn ;)’

I groaned grabbing a fist full of my hair and giving it a tug, he really has bad timing for this stuff. Taking a deep breath, I thought over my options

  1. I could go and possibly have a nice time but with the slight chance of seeing you-know-who


  1. I could not go and possibly die from getting beaten to death or publicly humiliated



I chose B and thought of a reply to send, after what felt like an hour I sent a response

‘Cool, wanna meet up in the food court of the mall?’

After that, I shut my phone off finally noticing the buzz in my brain, like a lullaby dragging me off to the depths of my sleep. Dreaming about the times when things were better, I woke up to tears staining my pillow. My stomach suddenly started gurgling loudly, begging me to eat something. I wrapped a blanket around me and made my way to the kitchen.

The smell of coffee made me sigh in relief. I pulled a mug from one of our shelves and poured myself a cup, sitting on the counter. As I sipped it, the warm drink filled me with a fuzzy feeling and I tried to push the bad thoughts from my mind.

My dad strolled in pantsless, only to stop in shock.

“What are you doing here son? I thought you left for school already.” He laughed and I shrugged.

“I didn’t want to go,” I replied, simple as that. He sighed shaking his head like a father would (you know, one with pants) and leaned against the counter next to me

“Ya know,” he let out a relaxed breath of air “when I was your age I loved to go out and hang with friends, but sometimes I had to just take a day off. Maybe you should too.” he patted my shoulder with his burly hand.

I glanced over at him and smiled awkwardly “thanks, dad. I think I'm going to go back upstairs and go do some homework.” I slid off the counter, setting the mug on the table before heading back upstairs to hammer out an essay, calculus, and chemistry homework.

I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up it was Wednesday morning, I yawned and stretched

“Good morning,” I popped my back “time to start the day.” printing and stapling my essay in order, I shoved it in my back and started to dress. Putting on my jeans and some band t-shirt, I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed downstairs greeting my dad as I walked out the door. Preparing myself mentally for the day and evening ahead of me.


	5. Bi Babe Romance

I sat in my usual spot next to Rich in chemistry, my mind in a dull haze. I prayed to my god asking that Rich would not show up, even though I was hanging out with him this evening I did not need him during class

“Well hello there handsome~” my prayers were not answered as Rich sat down next to me with a big grin across his face, I let out a silent groan

“Hey, Rich.” I tried my best smile but it came out weak, “h-how are you doing?” I questioned and he smirked at me, moving his hand to my knee making my face flush pink clearing my throat the best I could

“I’m just great. How are you doing?” he had no expression except his playful smirk

“F-fine, just fine.” my voice cracked a bit, as I started to sweat, great now I’m gonna smell bad all day, Rich probably wouldn’t notice as he reeked of Old Spice and Axe spray, my palms were sweaty so I rubbed them on my pants. I stopped short on my left pant leg where Rich’s hand rested.

My hand was shaking a bit as I put my hand on top of his intertwining out fingers, I felt uncomfortable. Taking slow deep breaths I calmed down and started to focus more on my work, the teacher droned on and on about protons and neutrons reactions. I felt my eyes start to get heavy as he kept on talking.

Must

Keep

Eyes-

I must have only gotten a few hours of sleep because my eyes shut on their own and my head fell like it was cement onto the desk, my slumber lasted shortly as someone close to me let out a scream, something sticky was on the counter where my head lay. There was someone shaking my shoulders, I picked my heavy head up.

“Huh?” I mumbled feeling the sticky substance down my face, some of it got in my mouth when I realized it was my own blood coming out of my nose. My hand flew to my face holding my nose where the blood was flowing, the teacher handed me a pass, both Rich and I got up walking out of the classroom towards the nurse's office. With as much blood loss as it was, I felt dizzy so my only option for walking without falling face first was to hold onto Rich.

I leaned against him the lightest I could to not hurt him

“Th-thanks, for this…” I mumbled and he chuckled  
“It’s the least I could do..” he said after setting me down on a plastic chair, I sat there while he got me the nurse, maybe he was going to be good for me after all? But my heart still called him a best friend.

After the nurse patched me up we walked back to class in silence, I couldn’t take it so I tried to speak,

“Rich, I was wondering, what do you plan that we do on our date?” I scratched the back of my neck feeling more like a cliche than a person

“So you think it’s a date?” he smirked and my face flushed red

“I mean I thought it was by the way you were acting but it totally doesn’t have to be a date if you don’t want it-” I was cut off by someone pulling at my shirt, taking me to eye level, he kissed my cheek and I froze

“It’s a date~” he whispered to me with a content smile. My eyes drifted down to my shoes which seemed way more interesting at the moment within seconds of silence I responded

“Alright, cool, it’s a date.” I smiled a little as well, for once my mind didn’t attach itself to worry or doubt or Michael even. It was happy being right here in the moment with someone who actually liked me for me instead of having to change myself or my way of thinking in a drastic measure.

The class watched as we went back to our seats, I tried to stay calm and eventually it went back to normal.

For the rest of the day until lunch my brain was shut off in a buzzed feeling, I sat in a corner of the cafeteria alone, chowing down on a honey and sunbutter sandwich I made for myself. The taste of it gave myself something to look forward too, the noises droned on in the cafeteria until I was sucked out of my pity party by a girl typing away on her cell phone

“Alright Jeremiah, here are your questions. Are you and Rich a thing? What is your sexuality? Were you and Michael a thing? Do you smoke? Have you and Rich been doing it? Aaaaaaand are you and Michael still friends?” he looked up at me for a second, I swallowed my bite of honey/sunbutter sandwich racking my brain for answers  
  
“Uhhhhhh… I don’t know, I think I’m Bi, we were never a thing, yes I do smoke to calm my nerves, no we’ve never had sex, and no I wish we were but he hates my guts.” I answered and she copied down my every word posting it on her personal twitter already blowing up with drama.

“Thanks for that,” I mumbled to myself throwing away my trash as I got up, walking to the entrance I bumped into a Filipino, red hooded male. Who only glared at me with him was a tired half Mexican, I got up as fast as I fell to the floor

“Mell,” I said not wanting to force his name out of my mouth

“Heere,” he replied and I noticed their hands intertwined, I said a silent prayer to my god. My prayers were answered as Rich came up next me wrapping his arm around my waist

“Babe! There you are, I was looking for you!~” he smirked then looked over at the two “hey guys, I see you two are a thing. Glad to know druggies stay together.” he looked fierce but even though Michael hated me I felt a pang of jealousy in my heart and stomach.


	6. the date (part 1)

The air between all of us was tense, thick enough to cut through with a knife. My body was sweating as I looked Michael in the eyes.  
  
“Well I think I’m gonna go so have a nice day you two.,” I mumble and got out of there as fast as I could, heading to the bathroom I splashed some cold water in my face then I was in a better place. I go to open up the door but I stop myself short as I door was pushed in on me.  
  
“Hey! This is the girl’s room creep!!” yelled Asian girl with glasses, I raised my hands in defence.  
  
“I’m so sorry I didn’t see the sign!!” I left quickly as my cheeks flushed and the bell rang so I headed to my class.

Once classes were over I waited outside my homeroom hoping for Rich to come by soon, putting in my earbuds I played Billie Eilish nodding my head slightly along to the beat of the drum.  
  
I noticed a streak of red make his way towards me with a big grin on his face.  
  
“Well hello there Jer, you ready for the best date of your life?” Rich asked and I gulped pausing my music and taking out an earbud

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I replied nervously, but he grabbed my hand (ignoring the sweat) and rubbed his thumb across my knuckles in a soothing manner, which worked a little but my spine still felt tense.  
  
When we had arrived at the mall it was filled with small groups of people milling about and window shopping, we stood there for about a few minutes before right on time out stomachs rumbled in sync with one another

Rich and I giggled like two schoolgirls before making our way to the food court, he got Italian but I got Chinese being in a slightly sulky mood from the lunch events.

“So Jer,” he said before sitting across from me in a chair “tell me about yourself, I never really got to learn.” I stared down at my food while my ears turned pink, never really liking the attention

“Um well I live with my dad, my mom is gone, I like the colour blue, and I like old video games but that’s about it..” I shrugged and stuffed my face with noodles “what about you?”

“Oh uh well I live with my dad, I have a cat named scream, and yeah, I like the colour orange, and I love Italian food,” he replied smiling again and stuffed his face as well. we continued to eat for several minutes in peace when it was gone the time for shopping began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short I've been trying my best to update but internet is wacky


	7. Date fight

First store on our list was the one and only Hot Topic, it smelled like incense and old lady perfume. They displayed outfits behind a pane of glass, and in an instant RIch’s hand left my grasp and my sights. I was alone bumping into people every now and then, but luckily I could see over everyone with my strange height.

 

I wandered for a bit before coming across a blue t-shirt with a black and white striped turtleneck under it, along with some jeans and glasses to go along. Picking up the outfit I looked around finding a short lady with pink hair who worked there.

 

“H-hi um do you mind if I try this on?” she smiled widely at my question pulling me to the changing rooms, which were near the back of the store.

 

“Of course and if you need anything just come to me, my name is Monica by the way!” she was cheery and smiley the entire time but I smiled and nodded heading inside the small room to change out of my clothes and into the new ones

 

Looking in the mirror it wasn’t half bad, I felt retro and refreshed all at once. Going back into my normal outfit I stepped out and held it in my arms strolling around for something else, I spotted some bracelets and shrugged thinking ‘why not? I deserve to treat myself a bit’

 

My stomach turned as I scanned the bracelets coming across a pair obviously meant for a couple, it was basic but the only standing out was the player one and two on each of them, my mind going back to the filipino man I once adored every day. I shook it off as quick as it came and found some basic beaded bracelet and picked it up. Taking one last look at the pair I picked it up quickly and made my way to the counter paying for my items, feeling more embarrassed that I had the couple bracelets.

 

I needed to talk to Rich about thins and tell him it wasn’t going to work, no matter how hard I try I still come back to Michael. The wait for Rich wasn’t very long as I sat outside the store listening to some old Filthy Frank songs while doing so.

 

“How was the store?” I heard from behind with a smile in his voice, I turned around to be met with Rich, clearing my throat I stood up holding my bag with me wringing it in my hands tightly, almost giving myself a pinch.

 

“Rich I appreciate spending time with you… but I think we should stop seeing each other, no matter how hard I try I can’t stop thinking about Michael a-and I think it would be better this way…” my heart hurt as I spilled my guts to him. I couldn’t let my eyes leave the ground as they were cemented there. I sighed continuing the back wringing

 

“Oh, o-okay…” his voice cracked and I glanced up at him enough to see his heart shatter in millions and millions of tiny pieces, I never wanted to hurt him, I never wanted to hurt ANYBODY. I just wanted to make up with Michael

 

God I need to smoke.

 

I turned around and left walking quickly to the closest exit, pulling out my cigarettes I lit up and breathed in the smoke, having it fill my lungs and pour out my nose calmed me down enough to actually think and shut up the screaming voices in my head telling me I messed up and I should be dead.

 

I pulled out my phone, entering my messages I found Michael’s texts. Taking a deep breath on my cig I took a leap of faith typing out what I wanted to say to him, it was hard at first not knowing the right words but then after about 10 minutes I had finally found the words to say.

 

‘I miss you. I want to see you again.’ sending my message I walked to the nearest bus stop, my hand itched to check the messages again seeing if he had replied already.

 

The bus I got on wasn’t very crowded as I sat in the front seat, they made their rounds while I stared out the window

 

Suddenly I felt my butt vibrate meaning I had a text, I reached in my back pocket pulling out my phone I scanned the name who sent it almost choking when I saw who it was

 

My heart jolted into my throat. Staring at the message my hands trembled and my head felt dizzy, I blinked a few times making sure the message was real and I wasn’t dreaming.

 

It was real.

It

 

Was

 

REAL.

 

I glanced out the window realizing I was at my stop I yanked the line as hard as I could the bus driver stopped the vehicle opening the door. I paid him extra and got out making my way to my house, the sun was still a little bit in the air as I got to my house, but quickly changing over to my new outfit I was surged with confidence, I pulled out a small notebook writing down any thoughts I had to apologize to Michael.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for not updating like I should but I promise a happy ending is soon!!!


	8. Bittersweet apologizes

‘Come over, i'm in my driveway.’ I licked my lips, feeling them become wet from my spit. Checking myself in the mirror one last time I grabbed mom's car keys making my way to the car only to be stopped by my dad, he was in a suit. Probably going for another interview while he writes another book

“Whoa. With the new look son?” he asked raising an eyebrow “have you been doing drugs again?” he eyes softened making my heart feel heavy like it was weighed down by rocks.

“I’m not doing drugs dad. I swear I’m clean I’m just going over to see Michael.” he gave me doubtful eyes staying quiet before speaking up

“Alright. I’m glad you two are making up. Just come home by 12.” he said looking more like a dad who actually was stern for once.

“Love you dad, thank you, bye!” I said quickly giving him a hug and race out to my mother’s car, feeling her lavender scent fill my lungs and nose, I gripped the steering wheel and took off towards Michael’s house.

I slowed down my speed noticing a filipino male sit outside his house in the driveway, he looked stressed to the point of breaking. I stopped her car a little bit from where he was standing and got out. He looked up to greet me with a soft smile growing on tear ridden his face and hopped up pulling me into a hug, he was shaking and I could hear yelling from the house

“Woah, what’s going on?” I stuttered out, feeling his shaking body against mine. I walked him the passenger side of the door, opening and closing it as he got in. getting in the driver’s side I looked at him sad. I gripped the steering wheel with one hand resting the other on his shoulder.

“Michael, I have a lot of stuff I want to say but I need to know what happened” he sighed softly staring at his hands like they were magnificent sculptures and to me they were, he looked up after his staring session

“Jeremy my dad is back, he’s trying to get custody of me and I need to stay at your place for a while.” he spoke with urgency and I understood, putting the car into drive we made our way back to my house, parking the car in my driveway. We sat there for a minute taking in the silence until there was a tug on my sleeve.

“I’m so sorry for abandoning you, I’m such an idiot. I know I was a jerk and I’m sorry. You were probably really pissed or what not but I’m sorry-” I was cut off by Michael’s lips pressed against mine, they were soft and sweet like strawberries and cream. He pressed himself against me getting closer, I leaned in smiling as wide as possible. I felt my heart swell with joy, carding my fingers through his soft hair. I felt something wet on my lower lip and opened my mouth to say something only to have him shove his tongue down my throat.

It was amazing, his spit tastes like strawberries as well. God I swear he’s amazing at this. But it’s not right I shouldn’t be kissing him right now I should be apologizing to him. I place my hand firmly on his shoulder and broke away quickly panting to catch my breath.

“Michael wait, please let me apologize.” I spoke in between breaths watching him frown at me then sigh

“I already forgive you Jeremy, just let me kiss you again please. I don’t want to think about anything else but your mouth.” he said and I let out a sigh of relief. Feeling the corners of my mouth tug their way into a smile. Cold wind flew up my spine as my side of the car door was opened, looking back I’m met with none other than my dad in his usual no pants outfit. I feel my cheeks burn hotter than a grill.

“Well well well I see MIchael is visiting, would you like to come inside and have a bit to eat?” I rolled my eyes feeling my embarrassment roll off me like water over a pebble, I get out followed by Michael smiling to himself with a goofy grin. On our way inside I couldn’t keep my eyes off him it was like I was transfixed to his body with super glue.  
“Hey Jer?” Michael asked halfway through his BLT “do you still play?” he was talking about the stupid ukulele I named JoJo, I brought with my own money when I was 13, saved up for four months

“A bit but not a lot anymore, I just have been so busy with everything that I haven't been able to keep up with lessons.” I sipped my coke, trying to remember back on the times when I would play for hours at end, guilt built up inside me eating away at my intestines. I pushed the plate of food back.

“You should get JoJo back out again, I could sing along.” I always loved hearing Michael’s singing voice, it was sweet a goofy at the same time just like him. I nodded quietly excusing myself to my room for a bit. I trudged up the stairs coming back down with the black ukulele, JoJo painted on the side.

Sitting on the counter with my legs crossed I cleared my throat and started to play the tune of a well know song to both me and Michael.

I began the song “hey pretty stranger, I think you look cute. Can I get your number? I wanna know you.”

 

Michael join in closing his eyes and swaying to the music “tell me your secrets, tell me your fears. Nobody will notice, let’s get out of here.”

“Hey boy don’t catch me looking.”

“Oh boy I caught you staring.”

Michael sat next to me on the counter of the kitchen “what do you think of me? (do you think of me?) you got that new style, you wear that perfect smile. I’ll take you on a date,are you free saturday?”

“And I-I-I think I like you.” Michael sang

“I like you, I like you”

“And I-I-I hope you do too.”

“You do too, I like you.”

He smiled at me while singing “hey pretty stranger, I think you look cute, I don’t think I’ve ever met someone like you.”

I replied “people come and go but I’m here to stay, just call my name. It’ll be okay.”

His grinned got wider and leaned his head on my shoulder “hey boy don’t catch me looking”

“Oh boy I caught you staring”

“What do you think of me? (do you think of me?)”

I giggled a little “you got the new style you wear that perfect smile. I’ll take you on a date, are you free saturday?”

In unison we chimed “and I-I-I think I like you, (I like you) and I-I-I hope you do too, (you do too, I like you)” my strumming came to a stop, and I glance over at michael feeling my cheeks heat up all over again.

It was quiet for about five seconds of staring into each others eyes before bursting out into small fits of giggling. I could hear Michael's snorts over my laughter.

“So um Mikey, I’m curious. What do you think of me?” I asked absentmindedly strumming JoJo quietly


	9. Childhood dreams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My doc won't load properly T-T

“What do I think of you?” he repeats the question and bites his lip like he was trying to recall a memory of me embarrassing myself. He stopped and smiled at me showing his teeth.

“I like you Jeremy!!” my heart jumped in my throat, staring at him like he was best person on the earth. My heart beat got faster and faster like a racehorse gaining speed, I internally screamed at myself, trying to get my heart to stop beating so fast but it just kept on going as fast. Eventually I tried to take a deep breath, it got better and Michael looked at me slightly worried.

“Are you okay Jer-bear?” he put his hand on my shoulder and I smiled, hugging him tightly burying my face in his shoulder, slowly I started to giggle, feeling the joy burst through my body. Soon he pushed me off gently giving me a look like I was mentally insane. I had subdued my giggles

“I’m fine I’m just really happy. I thought I lost you forever.” I slid off the counter to go put Jojo away, michael followed me up the stairs to my room, he flopped back on my bed curling up with the triforce pillow that sat on my bed. I put Jojo back on his stand strapping him back to the wall. Smiling to myself a little I sat in my desk chair with a new profound confidence, Mikey was looking at his phone. The silence in the room became more awkward with each passing second. Clearing my throat I stared at the wall just above Mikey’s head. Thinking back to everything that had happened I don’t feel like I did before the whole squip thing but I don’t feel the exact opposite either.

“-Stay friends.” I get sucked back into my own reality again realizing that Michael was saying something I flushed pink with embarrassment

“Sorry could you repeat that Mikey?” I laugh nervously and he snorts rolling his eyes with a smile

“I said I talked to Dustin and he agreed that we should stay friends.” he stretched tossing his phone lightly to the other side of the bed

I smiled a bit feeling better about my chances but put on a fake sad face “aww but I was excited to get free weed!!” I playfully whined which earned a chuckled out of the shorter male

“Sorry but you’ll still have to buy your weed through me.” he chuckled patting me on top of my head. I smiled and hugged him from the side, we laid down on the bed together yawning quietly. I kept my eyes on him wishing I could kiss his forehead

“Hey Mikey? Is it okay if I kiss you?” his eyes opened and smiled at me

“Go ahead. You could use some practice anyways.” he joked smiling getting closer to me, and wow. I didn’t realise he was such a good kisser. Is it weird to love how someone kisses you? I could write a book on how soft his lips are against mine. We broke away smiling to each other.

“We should just stay like this… forever.” I kissed his lips again this time quickly before burying my face in his shoulder, taking in his strawberry scent, I felt his soft hair in my fingers.

“Oh really? And what would we do?” he flirted pressing his lips to my cheek, I smiled, lightly pushing myself closer to him.

“We could make out, and eat stuff from the kitchen, we wouldn’t even have to leave the house. It would be amazing.” wrapping my arm around his waist mumbling into his shoulder, my eyelids were heavy and soon after a few seconds I was asleep with Michael cuddled next to me.

~DREAM TIME~

“Jeremy! Ready or not here I come!!” Michael screamed from the tree where he counted for hide n seek. I was hiding in the slide, Michael’s small legs ran around trying to find me. I was a 3rd grader giggling quietly when Michael passes. Then all went silent, I kept quiet

“BOO!!” Michael jumped out at me and scared my pants off. I screamed and tumbled down the slide, hitting my head on the wood chips that covered the playground area.

Michael came down screaming about me being hurt and I got up rubbing my head gently, brushing all the wood chips off my shirt. My dad came over to check me out, I had some bruises and cuts that turned to scars

“Jerry are you okay?!?!?!” Michael was on the verge of tears thinking he had hurt me.

“I-i’m okay Micha.” he hugged me after I spoke

“I’m so sorry Jerry!!” he cried and I hugged him back tightly


	10. Strawberries and Ciggarettes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. Last chapter tho!! I won't be able to write stories over the summer. Have a rad time guys!!!

‘I can never let him cry about me again’ I swore to myself with a sense of pride

“It’s all right Micha I really don’t mind you doing it, it just scared me.” I smiled and pat his head “Wanna go get ice cream?” he nodded quickly and I looked at my dad he sighed with a smile and led us to the car with us screaming and running full speed like the children we were.

~DREAM TIME OVER~

I woke up with Michael still in my arms and sweat running down my back, I needed to shower badly as I was starting to smell like a sweaty fish who’d been left out in the rain. I slowly pushed myself up from Michael trying not to wake the prince from his slumber.

He crumbled the bed sheets kicking them aside as I crept my way to my dresser picking out a t-shirt and khaki shorts, I grabbed deodorant, and my acne wash.

“Jere-bear where are you going?” a groaned voice asked I sighed to myself 

“Micha, I’m just going to shower because I’m drenched in sweat.” I said and made my way to the bathroom humming a random song that popped in my head the water of the shower was warm and while waiting for my curly jewish hair to calm down from the conditioner I washed my face trying to remove all the blackheads from my skin.

After the shower I got dressed and flopped back onto the living room couch turning on game of thrones, No dad puns or loud noises yet so dad must have left for another interview, Half way through the fourth season. Michael sat on the arm chair.

“Hey Jer. Can we go grocery shopping?” Michael scrolled through his phone looking for who knows what, pausing the episode I frowned at him  
“We have food here-”  
“I want to make a dessert, they look good.” he shoved his phone in my face showing me a delicious macaroon dessert cake. “Plus most of the ingredients are really special and kinda expensive.”  
I sighed and paused Game of Thrones, looking at him lazily.  
“Whatever. Let’s just go. I need to get more ramen anyways.” I got up stretching. Michael smiled and ran upstairs to get my car keys, coming down I tossed them to him.

“You drive. I don’t want to get arrested.” I joked the keys bounced off his head into his hands

“Cool. race you there,” he said taking off and I followed him we filed into my mother’s car.

We played florence + the machine as we drove to the store, when we got there we got out feeling better than before and grabbed baskets going inside.

“Aight what do you need for macarons?” I asked smiling and reached for his hand, he grabbed mine and squeezed it gently, sharing the same grin.

“Cream cheese, honey, cinnamon, dragon fruit, and strawberries.” he shrugged, then made his way to the fruit aisle letting my hand go

“What’s dragon fruit?” I asked tilting my head to the side, he stopped in his tracks turning around with his mouth agape. I felt like regretting asking the question. 

“Dragon fruit is the most delisious fruit you could ever taste. I’ll let you taste one for yourself when we get to your place.” he glared playfully and I let out a sigh of relief and follwed him. After 30 minuets of grocery shopping it was time to check out.

“Paper or plastic?” the cashire say with a sweet grin, her red hair bounced slightly as she talked.

“Paper please,” I suggested, watching her put the items in the bag. My eyes wandered to the candy on the checkout aisle, Michael stood close to me and I leaned against him wrapping my arms aroundhis stomach holding him “Mikey let’s make the macaroons together.” I mumbled quietly, putting my face against his shoulder. I felt his skin heat up against my cheek.

The red head girl giggled “Are you two dating?” she asked with another giggled

Michael smiled “Yes, we just started going out.” he said cheekily, I blushed and hit him gently in the stomach.

“Shush Micha.” I smiled, the lady whos name I soon learned to be, Mae, we packed up all the sweets. As soon as we get home racing with our groceries to the house laughing about nothing other than good vibes filling our hearts.

Dad’s car was in the driveway, opening the front door I saw dad in his usual outfit

“Hey dad, me and Micha are going to bake so don’t bother us!!”

“Okay son!! Have fun!!”

“Whatever dad!!” I yelled and we got to work baking the macaroons, mid way I heard ringing, it was from Michael’s phone.

“Hon, I think your mom is calling.” I said washing my hands, and picking up his phone.

“Hello Micha honey?” a woman asked sweetly, instantly I recognized her as his mom.

“Hey Mrs.Mell, it’s me Jeremy. We’re baking right now.”

“Oh Jer, it’s so nice to hear from you again! Well when you get to please tell him that his Dad left, he can home now.” she sighed “Also, how are you? Is your dad still looking for a job?”

“Uh yeah I’m okay, me and Micha are um to-” I was cut off by Michael stealing the phone from me

“Momma, we’re great and I’ll be home tomorrow!! Bye!!! LOVE YOU!!” he yelled then hung up, his cheeks were burn red from all theblood running to his face

“Aww!!! Mikey, you’re so cute!!” I hugged him giggling but he pushed me away embarrassed.

After 30 minuets we were relaxing on my bed, snacking on macaroons, cuddling. I ran my hand through Michael’s hair gently

“Michael, can I talk to you?”

“Sure. what’s up? You want to make out?” he laughed a bit to tease me, I hit him lightly on the shoulder.

“Shush. I just wanted to tell you, you’re dad left and… I love you Micha.” my smile grew as I said it.

“Huh? Oh…” his face went red “I-I love you too Jer.” my heart beat quicken, thinking back to the past months these were the best moments of them, I may have broke some hearts, and left my friendship with Michael behind but we started something better. 

Whatever we have for us in the future I know we’ll be okay. 

I still think back to the combination of us.

Strawberries and cigarettes


End file.
